I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
