I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
