People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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