you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
