oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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