So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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