I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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