I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
