Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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