i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
