he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
