I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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