It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think my moral compass just broke
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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