it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
