Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
