on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
