dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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