Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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