Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
