I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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