Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
nutella sex= disaster
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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