I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
