We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
