The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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