Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
wow bdsm is so cute
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
