Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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