I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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