The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
