just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
