Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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