Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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