Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
