awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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