I didn't shave. On purpose
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
