What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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