those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize