Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
