hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
