She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I AM VODKA MAN
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
