Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
