I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
