Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
