if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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