You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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