I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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