its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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