none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
