My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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