just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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