Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
