I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
