I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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