Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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