I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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