It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.