I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?