Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night