I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.