i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have post one night stand depression
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
