I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
