ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
