i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
