I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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