And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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