What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
