Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
