I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
