wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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