dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
