What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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