almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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