So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
