ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
