Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
These tits shall not be calmed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
