Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize